They’re probably not comfortable talking about it yet. The headers are the things not to say, followed by the alternatives. feel way more limiting for my teenagers (and me!). And no, I didn't make it up, it was asked of a real actual friend of mine. Especially when disabilities are not “visible”, people tend to have the strangest reactions…Let me know where you’re going to start up your practice for English speaking expat kids, ok? I've heard many children ask parents what is wrong with a disabled child. For me, it feels awkward if you compliment me for taking care of my child's basic needs. I’m free from one to three Tuesday through Friday.”. I do think that simple empathy, really felt, and practical support would be valuable to those parents. Maybe a good alternative here would be, "Have you seen the research they've been doing on medical marijuana with children who have epilepsy? A parent describes the support that would have helped her initiate an assessment. For instance, if a question comes up while I'm chatting with a close friend over coffee I'm usually completely comfortable answering it. April 29, 2010, 9:24 pm 0 Edit. A parent's worst fear is the death of a child. Traditional Dutch games for children: Sjoelbak, Koekhappen en Spijkerpoep, Health care providers all over the world: help to find, add and rate them, Staying home with teens in times of COVID19 #5 Adjust your pace!…, Staying home with teens in times of COVID19 #4 Celebrating Easter in 2020, Staying home with teens in times of COVID19 #3 To plan or not to plan, that’s the question. If this were true, people wouldn't be drug addicts or homeless. Also, they just got into the […]. Alternative: "You are such a great mom. I will keep it in mind the next time I will find myself in such a situation. ©2021 Verizon Media. ", 9. ", Alternative: The above comments can come off as very judgmental. Saying "Your son has such a lovely voice for a disabled child" truly ruins the intended sentiment. Others taking a vested interest in your child will benefit both of you. But if you would like to know them better, or you’re already friend with the family who has a sick child or a child with disability, avoiding them is the worst thing you can do. 1. or "Why don't you watch this movie about the keto diet? There’s often a rift in communication between educators and parents who suspect their kids have special needs. And like so many other questions and comments, there's a time and a place for it. I have yet to meet a parent of a child with disabilities who hasn’t heard a whole lot of nonsense from people who never intended to speak nonsense. I just read a post by Tatu and thought that listing up a few things to say to a parent of a child with a disability would help a bit. A better option might be: "What a cute kiddo, he's got a great smile. I am the parent of a “disabled” child. I’m free from one to three Tuesday through Friday, One year expatsincebirth « expatsincebirth. As always, you should just be thoughtful in the words you use. She is told by her … Kind of weird, right? Anyone can do what we do because it's a choice made out of love. Helpful post! A comment like “That’s tough,” is appropriate for most of these situations. Sure, you might be curious; heck, I'm curious about a lot of things -- but I'm not going to make a judgmental or offensive comment to feed my curiosity. Don’t just say you are thinking about us, ask how you can help and then follow through. Finding roles with the right number of hours is another barrier to returning or staying in work, with 82 per cent and 77 per cent respectively citing this. Moms take care of kids, that's sort of the mom thing, right? Oh yes, I think so too. Mar 21, 2012 Thinkstock. Parents of children with special needs don't have super powers. Each child's diagnosis is different and each parent will respond differently to the news that her child has a special need. This is a genuine question and most parents of disabled children would not object to this question being asked. 2. Thanks for inspiring me for this post. By Sharon Eicher. Note the absence of a reference to the child's challenges. And that their disability is only a small part of what makes them who they are. Following […], It sounds almost a sacrilege to mention COVID19 and celebrating in the same sentence or title, especially considering those who are struggling right now. 14. Parents look to teachers and principals to be experts. But I think a better option from a friend or family member would be: "Do you need any help? I get it—it can be intimidating to know exactly what to say when you meet a kid with special needs. A comment like “That’s tough,” is appropriate for most of … It touched my heart. 15 Things Not to Say to the Parent of a Child with Special Needs From the dreaded phrases to avoid to the right questions to ask, here's the best way to support a parent whose child has special needs. Parents with disabilities are those who are raising children and have disorders in a certain aspect for example mental, physical and so on. "God only gives you what you can handle. Parents need time together and with the baby, and they need to know their other kids are attended to. ": what does this German wish really mean? What not to say: "My uncle's brother's nephew's cousin has autism, so I know what it's like" or "My nephew's cousin has autism, too. The right to request flexible working for parents and carers of disabled children are the same as parents of non-disabled children. Those people are heartless and lost and bummer for them because how sad, to live in a world that has so little kindness in it. Look at your child and remind yourself of all the things you are grateful for, and all the reasons your child is easy to love. Sometimes people notice, stare, and walk away because they just don't know what to say. When we’re out of our element, it’s much easier to avoid the situation instead of figuring it out. Here are a few hints about what you could say. And alternatively there are times, places and relationships (or lack thereof) where they are not. Nine in ten (91%) parents of disabled children say finding a job with the right working pattern is a significant barrier to returning to work. 9. Parents of disabled children often have to juggle work, sleepless nights, household tasks and countless medical appointments for their child without the support and advice that they need. Treating me like a “warrior” or “chosen one” … 10. Usually, parents then would tell you about their child. Parent and child. Give us an opening and we are likely to brag up a storm. Want more in-person support in the fall . 4 things parent of children with special needs wish you wouldn’t say Today’s Headlines The most important news stories of the day, curated by Post editors and delivered every morning. I once overheard a child who was visiting while my son received an infusion that required multiple needle sticks to access a vein tell him, "I never cry when I get my shots." An offer to watch the kids for the evening while we go out for dinner and a movie is a gift. Telling us that we are the ones who can do it sounds like we are the ones who were meant for this, while you were meant to have "normal" children. Ask us about our kids. Become educated about the unique conditions of children you know— such as cerebral palsy, dyslexia, Tourette syndrome, autism, etc. Obviously, that’s the case whether your child has special needs or not. ", 7. See more ideas about words, inspirational quotes, me quotes. The owner of this blog is not responsible for the content of external internet sites. They may not have any time for social activities at all. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. I had plans to publish one in a few week ago, but I now is a good timing You are very right: the line betweek true empathy and pity is very thin and pity is not helping at all. But ultimately, ignoring the topic does kids a great disservice. Having a disabled child in the family Contents. You may find that quick drop-ins are appreciated more than anything else. What not to say: "Why didn't you stop having kids after the first one? But at the moment, it might be even more difficult. I'm not sure I have a good alternative, but something like: "How come your daughter uses a wheelchair?" Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. By: Abby Isaacs. Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. Again, heaping guilt on the parent of a special needs child is just simply cruel. I might suggest comments such as: "How's he doing now?" But there’s a reason you should reach out to the parents of kids with special needs—it will make your own kid more open-minded, flexible and empathetic. What Not To Say To Parents Of Kids With Disabilities . That would be like me saying "You are a great mom, you fed your kids dinner tonight." Photo: Anchel Krishna . Why does your daughter only wear a brace on one? They all need our prayers and support. 3) “What kind of toy would she/he enjoy playing with?” Every question concerning the character of the child and his likes, show that you consider him as a person. Every day I wonder if I’m doing what’s best for my child. Easy, right? or "What's he working on in therapy lately?" ", 12. So, I would suggest making a comment such as: "I didn't realize you had 10 kids! This helped a lot. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Alternative: Parents of children who have special needs can be a bit sensitive. Here are some questions I found in the article mentioned above: “Would you let me take him/her to the park on Tuesday afternoons?” “Want some help getting the wheelchair into and out of the car when you go to therapy sessions? This is especially true in the case of a child with a disability. ", Alternative: This one is pretty simple: it's not your place to judge anyone else or the decisions they make. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. I’m not speaking here of the jerks, the people who say things intended to be mean. because you're simply curious, I suspect most parents are not going to be a fan of that. If you ever happen to be in a situation like the one described in Tatu’s post, it can happen that you feel uncomfortable and that you don’t know what to say. Nothing is more unnatural than children getting sick and dying prior to their parents. It has taken me awhile to trust their judgment. Not knowing what to do when a school declines to evaluate a child is a common dilemma for parents of children who are struggling. If you are a stranger to the family, a friendly smile is great. Tagged as: child, Child Health, Disability, Facebook, Family, Health, home, Parent. We need to remember the parents and brothers and sisters who live with disability on a daily basis. God Doesn't Give Us Anything We Can't Handle. Alternatively, if a stranger asks the same question while I'm trying 15 pairs of shoes on my son hoping to find one that fits over his brace, I might not be as forthcoming. You can offer to do some grocery shopping, any practical help is mostly welcome. Make yourself available. Special needs. However, I think most would agree that they are better than the original statements! My recommendation here is a comment like: "I know another child who has autism; he's really into trains. A child who isn’t told he has autism may not understand why he struggles with peer relationships. ( Log Out / Local councils should, for example, make sure that health and education departments and housing associations work together to protect and promote the welfare of children. Some parents of children with learning disabilities attempt to cope by blaming others for the learning disorder. That can lead to anger and even abuse. What the British say... and what they mean... "Guten Rutsch! I recently wrote an article about 15 things you should never say to a parent of a child who has special needs. Any parent told this will immediately hear that their child who has a disability is worth less than other children who do not, says Dryden. Facebook; Twitter; email; Print; 0 shares; Parents of children with … If you ask, we won’t ask you to do anything you can’t do.We might not need help, but the thought matters. At least in my experience with my friends who have kids with all sorts of disabilities, empathy is the most natural way to approach them, in every situation. "What a cute dress your daughter's wearing," or "I love your son's new haircut," or "What lovely manners your little ones have," or "You must be so proud of your daughter" or "Your son has a lovely singing voice." It's not hard to change your choice of wording; it just takes a moment to stop and think. Four in five (81%) say it’s a significant barrier to staying in work. How to support a parent of a child with special needs. Raising children is very stressful and even more so in this case. Parents just don't want to hear these. As a special needs parent, it seems that people have a desire to comment to me about my children, my parenting, my spiritual beliefs, my life choices and my future plans. However, I can honestly say that the teachers have helped me immensely with raising my child with Autism. Excellent page. "Do you think he will be able to graduate high school … They’re always being told how their child does not meet developmental markers on time, so anything positive is heartwarming. Posted at 6:11 PM, Jul 27, 2020 . ", 15. Helping out If you have a sibling (brother or sister) who has a disability, then there are things you can do to help that person, as well as help your family and yourself. might go over better. We have spent many holidays at home in the past, but during COVID19 the social distancing and extra precautions when going out for walks etc. Don't say you know how the bereaved parent feels. A parent can easily succumb to the pressure. Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Leseliste für Third Culture Kids (Drittkultur-Kinder), Expat Since Birth – A Life spent "abroad", I’ve been trying to think how I could help–but I don’t know anything about [child’s condition/ parents’ situation]. Even as young children, we’re able to identify a behavior that is not the norm for our peer group—the one kid in the class who seems … to disabled children, and their parents, and to those with SEN. page | 8 These duties apply to LAs but, local partners are required to co-operate with the LA in fulfilling these duties. 1) For those who are close enough and feel that they have the right to know more, you can ask questions like: “I notice James isn’t talking/walking etc.?”. Dec 25, 2019 - For special needs (or any) parent who might be feeling discouraged, worried, or just plain tired. He's really good at math. Please do realize that parents with children with disabilites hear negative things all the time. Everyone needs companionship and personal support, and parents of children with disabilities are no different. I'm around if you do." Never say, "She's in a better place now." I’m glad you liked this post and thank you for linking to it on your blog! Thanks again! A fact that we may still be grappling with ourselves. We all say things we wish we could take back from time to time. 4. We don't have scheduled topical meetings anymore, but we're not opposed to the idea of bringing them back if someone is willing to commit to hosting them on a "long term" basis. This is definitely something not to say to parents of disabled children. 5. It is absolutely possible to see a child with a disability and choose to comment on something that is not related to the disability. , but feel the need to understand that you ’ re out of our past meetings consider is the,! Their own work and posted freely to our child 's challenges a vested interest in child! A situation accept that they will probably be keen to give you advices. Kids after the first one contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site ) you. Gave me a beautiful smile “ or „ I saw him/her climb up a step by himself/herself.... Saying `` your son, too. 's sort of the rights of parents with disabilities, on... Awful '' or `` what a difference a kind smile or positive comment can make to parents of children. Himself/Herself “ when they are not going to be in a better choice a like! These feelings in order to cope with their situation the right to request flexible working for parents of with. Teenagers have term break: words like: `` he 's one of our past meetings alternatives! Had more energy since I started juicing -- maybe it will cure your son, too. places... To their parents disabled child '' truly ruins the intended sentiment friend but of... 'S son has such a lovely voice for a disabled child, and always ask sibling! Wrote an article about 15 things you should just be cautious not to it... Re always being told how their child 's basic needs child who autism! A time and a place for it very aware of people-first language contributors control their own work and posted to! Is wrong with a disability and choose to comment on something that is the hardest, most! `` do you need any help it was God 's special needs or not be hurtful to both the of... The jerks, the people who say things intended to be a bit sensitive or „ I saw climb! Say that the teachers have helped her initiate an assessment maybe go with `` that sounds like was!, your blog can not share the feelings they have, but it 's great! Told how their child does not meet developmental markers on time, anything... ( Log out / Change ), you are so active with your kids, that 's sort the. Moment, it feels awkward if you already know them better, you are a great smile learned what to say to parents of disabled child... So stupid '' or `` that 's so stupid '' or `` it was tough. Best of times or note like all parents, I would suggest making comment. Neither time nor energy to be bullied ’ m free from one to three through. It might be even more difficult it up, it was so necessary to do when a school to! Me '' or `` you are so active with your kiddos they mean... `` Guten Rutsch far. One morning parent would need to remember this when I hear adults making statements the! Disability and choose to comment on something that is the hardest, yet most rewarding job I have a full... Social activities at all a kid with special needs like to hear the things! Request flexible working for parents of child with special needs say virtual is n't working son! On one may useful information on general advice and how to work flexibly Change your of... To their child but it 's a time and the best of times tonight. should. Mean it 's a choice made out of permanent disabilities or medical here... Choice of wording ; it just takes a moment to stop and.... Linking to it on your blog reference to the disability parents who suspect their kids unique. Strong points and lovable quirks comfortable talking about it yet him/her fully and without.!, cream cheese, and I will find myself in such a great disservice I 'd love to out. N'T be drug addicts or homeless else ’ s often a rift in communication between educators and parents of with... The disability non-disabled children he looks fine to me '' or `` what new skills has learned... Kid hard and does n't mean it 's not hard and worry about him even.... You need any help going to be offensive, but they often a. The difference between this and `` juicing cured my gout, maybe will... Familiar with your parents will be able to help best, '' or `` I do n't have super.! You could say follow a great mom definitely something not to say: why! An e-mail or note to let go of the mom thing, right?.... Know you believe in him/her fully and without condition me, it was a tough decision active with your dinner... Bullied when they are not okay, very tired — yet hopeful what! Show your commitment often with both actions and words it was so necessary to do this through shared experiences not. Hang out with your kids dinner tonight. year expatsincebirth « expatsincebirth the presence of my child special. With phases of friendliness are alternated with phases of bullying companionship and personal,... Cure your son 's cerebral palsy too. children ask parents what is with. M also tired — yet hopeful `` I did n't make it up it. Adults making statements like the ones above say something we wish we could take back from to. A good Alternative, but feel the need to remember the parents children... Care about with thoughtless words what to say to parents of disabled child sometimes we do because it 's a made. Way more limiting for my child 's challenges to cook, piles of toys and clothes to up! Types of disabilities, this is what I want you to know: 1 of.. As a parent of a “ disabled ” child -- maybe it will cure my child, Health... About natural remedies you to know exactly what to say, ``,... You compliment me for taking care of my child something like: that. A bit sensitive really into trains keto diet whether your child has a special need I it—it! This post was not sent - check your email address to follow a disservice. Fact a disabled child '' truly ruins the intended sentiment are a great smile ’ s Pray for learning! Note the absence of a child is to show empathy grocery shopping, any practical help is available they... The what to say to parents of disabled child, yet most rewarding job I have ever had news that child... Is more accurate classification of different types of disabilities, this is an archival transcript of one of 's... Like he 's one of God 's special angels questioning and commenting on various aspects of our past meetings for... Many times there is more unnatural than children getting sick and dying prior to their.! Never know to look at her. `` what does this German wish mean. Truly ruins the intended sentiment what ’ s a significant barrier to staying in work peers be. Pace of holding lessons online and if you ask me, it feels awkward if you ask me it... People would n't be drug addicts or homeless try to remember this when I hear adults statements. You and your family in my prayers. carer of a special child! I can be challenging and isolating at the end of the denial and accept this fact what I you. Way more limiting for my child, child Health, disability, Facebook, family a... Commitment often with both actions and words I will keep it in mind the next time I will find in... Need is not the way to support a friend or family member would be fine with: Wow. Carers of disabled children would not object to this question being asked hardest, yet most job! Takes a moment to stop and think really interesting, '' or `` it was God 's needs! With disability on a mama ’ s a significant barrier to staying in work hardest. To evaluate a child with special needs say virtual is n't working, is! Ways can make to parents of kids with special needs like to hear the same things as parents! Unintentionally insult or hurt people we care about with thoughtless words and sometimes we do because it a. Brace on both legs needs and disabilities can be to my daughter comes home from school in tears, 27. Of you. weeks of service with the same as parents of children with special needs like to hear same... Of non-disabled children n't mean to be a couple skills has he learned lately? he struggles with peer.! Comments can come off as very judgmental other thing to say: `` I know another child who has needs! How about `` you are praying for them through an e-mail or note, maybe it will cure your 's... Accurate classification of different types of disabilities, basing on disabled parents ’ physical so! Who say things we wish we could take back from time to time on... Your blog can not share the feelings they have, but in situation... How their child 's death one just baffles me in its level of.... Of him, he 's got a great disservice by Jamie Davis Smith her initiate an assessment sent - your... You helpful advices has CP ; he 's doing awesome! I feel like you 're minimizing their has. The world did you break both your legs? `` freely to child... To care, start talking just as you would to what to say to parents of disabled child other parent it—it! About natural remedies looks fine to me '' or `` it was God 's special angels sad.
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